Home, Home on the Range

It's amazing that someone can know 100 people and still be completley alone.

I guess I say it's amazing because I don't understand it. I feel like I should know enough people that I needn't be lonely, yet I am. But when it comes right down to it, how many of them really know me? And how many of them do I really know? We're not talking about the what-you-do-for-work-and-play kind of knowing, we're talking about the deep down why-you-do-the-things-you-do kind of knowing. The favorite-ice-cream where-you-wanna-go-on-your-honeymoon childhood-fears kind of knowing. The kind of why-I-don't-eat-fish knowing that really sez something about a person and reveals something of their world, that lets you see things from their perspective.

And I feel like I once had those kinds of friends, and don't any more.

Most of them I pissed off quite a long time ago, and those people that swore we'de be family forever haven't talked to me in years. And that's understandable. Maybe someday if I'm really drunk I'll tell you the story. But that doesn't mean I don't love them and miss them and wish things had been different.

The years since have brought many incredibly awesome friends my way, and some have come close to secret-life-goal status, but most top out at knowing-my-middle-name. And that isn't a bad thing; for those who do know my middle name I love you dearly, and for those who don't, well, ask me sometime. But it's just not the same, you know?

And those top 3 or 4, you know who you are, and I thank God for you every day. But even we don't talk like we used to, and that makes me cry.

Sometimes that is just the way life goes; people drift together and apart again. It's inevitable. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, and it doesn't mean I don't long for someone who knows me and who I know back and who we can share life together. It's slightly ironic to me that out of the top 4 people who know-more-things-than-most-people-do about me, the two who have known me longest don't even live in this country (God bless Canada). They are true friends. Yet it's hard to really share life with someone who lives a continent away, as nice as that would be.

And to my new friends? I'm very thankful for you, and I hope that someday I can tell you what my favorite-color-in-kindergarten was. Someday. It's awesome spending time with you, cuz yer incredibly wonderful! And I know that true friendship takes time, and God grant that we get to share that.

But sometimes I just want a hug and there is no one around to give me one...

blog blog bloggaroo

So I have this Myspace account, which I never touched until recently. Turns out it's kinda fun, easier to mess with than this one is. And you get amusing notes like (this is a direct quote) "Hi, you live near me, if you are interested we should get together and maybe share some pleasureable times."

ahh, the cries of a damsel in distress, how can a true gentleman resist?!

Anyways, you can find it by clicking here .

Be warned though, it contains personal information about me that might just destroy the angelic image you surely have of me!

edit - wow, thanks for teaching me a new trick, Kimmie!

Happy Easter!

This time of year is always a bit odd for me. It's the time when the sun is out just enough to trick me into thinking it's warm and summery, and then I wander outside in my shorts and flip-flops only to discover it's still only 40 degrees. And then the rain and hail and snow (yes, we had a smattering of snow yesterday) comes and pounds down like it's winter all over again. About the time that starts to depress me, out pops the blue sky and the birds and flowers and suddenly the world is wonderful again.

And when you mix that with the Easter holiday, it has a weird influence on me. It brings a whole new perspective on Christ's death and resurrection to see it played out daily just outside my window. To see the cycle of dying and returning in the earth, and then to think about how Jesus only had to do it once, and he did it just for me.

I've always been one of those visual/kinetic learners, where I need to see and play with things to understand them. Gardening has becomes an almost spiritual exercise; it connects exactly with what Paul was talking about in one of his letters to the Corinthian church. He uses the word picture that unless a seed dies and get buried in the ground, it cannot produce new life. A seed sitting around by itself isn't terribly useful. Only through literal and figurative death does it fulfill it's purpose. And the new life that it generates it so much greater, so much more wonderful than that little brown seed. I don't think that if I was a seed, I would ever be able to comprehend the nature and possibilities inherent in my nature. I'd have no clue that my death could have such magnificent results.

And it's the same thing when Jesus gives you new life! The gift of eternal life that he gave us, and that we celebrate at Easter, has so much more promise and hope than I could ever fathom. By spiritually participating in his death, we also participate in his resurrection - we become new. We leave all the dirty crap, the hopelessness, the worthlessness, the loneliness behind. "The old has gone; the new has come." Our lives become so much greater and so much more worthwhile than we could ever imagine on our own. My wrinkley brown seed self develops into a magnificent rose bush (or whatever flower God happens to pick for me). I have hope, I have a purpose, and I have a God who loves me and knows me and beat death so that we could be together like he intended from creation.

And that just blows my mind...

Orange Happiness

Is this the sweetest ride ever or what?! It lives in West Seattle, I think I may just hafta turn into a biker now.

180 in New Orleans

An incredible thing happened this last week - 40 kids from my old youth group took their Spring Break week and went to New Orleans to help with relief efforts from the hurricanes down there. This is a youth group that only started 5 years ago with maybe 20 kids on a Wednesday night. Now there are more than 120 kids split between two groups cuz we outgrew the old space!

This is the first service trip they've done, and it blows my mind that so many teens would go. I've been getting daily updates from them, check out some of the quotes:

"It is hard to put perspective here on what we have seen and experienced. Katrina did a lot of things for sure and from what I hear, it is getting better…but better is measured in very tiny increments. The Lower Ninth Ward and the neighboring St. Bernard’s Parish, is a huge community of something like 68,000 people. In a sense they have their own brand of culture here and finding pride that they are not from New Orleans. You could say it is an adjoining suburb. Every day we drive in to our job sites, we see something new that astounds us. I am still amazed how houses not made of brick, could float as well as they did. One guy we talked to does not know where his house is. The foundation is all that remains. We have seen blocks for miles that every house on it floated somewhere, or into one another, sometimes no further than the back yard. Everyone I have met, has the same story….the hurricane came, the levy’s broke, people did what was necessary to live, whether it was riding a house to where ever it was going or being rescued, stealing a neighbors boat. One guy I talked with saw his uncle floating face down and to make sure turned him over. He had to call his Aunt to tell her while she was on another roof a few neighborhoods away. Dee the lady we helped yesterday told of her neighbor who couldn’t rescue 12 children who were across the street and three houses away because he couldn’t or didn’t have a way there. Fortunately, the kids survived. Here at the parish, you can drive for miles and see destruction on both sides of the street. If you could imagine your neighbor hood for miles, trees uprooted, cars flipped, some streets the house are all gone, just about everything you see was destroyed, you might get an idea. The media cannot do justice to how really terrible it is here. They say maybe 10,000 people have moved back. I am not sure it is that high." ~ Dave, adult leader

"I just wanted to share about my experience at emergency communities today, let me just say wow these people have amazing ways of living after they have lost absolutely everything but there lives, they are so happy and joyful about everything with a positive attitude, I will admit that I have never have so much fun washing dishes with Casey and Cassie, man mom get some Rubbermaid tubes and lets start washing some dishes in them it was a blast!! Never thought I would say I loved watching dishes, but don’t tell anyone!! It was also a struggle to fold and organize all the baby clothes and to just think about how many clothes my little bro has and these poor little kids have nothing at all and parents were so happy to have a box of diapers just one little box of diapers, because believe me these people truly have nothing at all they lost everything but there lives some of them even lost their loved ones. So just pray to bless these people and their homes." ~ Bekki, age 13

"But earlier in the week we did non-stop demolition for 3 days. One day we started @ 11 and didn’t finish until 6 o’clock. It was about a 1,800 square foot house and we couldn’t quite finish it all but we did the best that we could and finished a lot of it. Maggots were all in the kitchen, they had some interesting movies in their house, and their pool was filled with the most disgusting water ever. The guy was so thankful for us being there, He brought us soda and po-boys for us for dinner. The first day we went to a guy named Alex’s house and gutted out his whole house. Then during one of our breaks we saw a man down the street and went to talk to him. His name was brother Charles and he had actually @ one point was a helper of the poor and now he is one of the poor. Everyone up in Seattle, y’all will never be able to comprehend what people are going thorough until you see it for yourself. The pictures you see on the news, Oprah, and other shows do not even compare with what you see first hand. Houses are just chilling on the streets, dead animals are all around (particurally hard for me to see!!), and home owners are just devastated." ~ Lauren, age 16

"This has been, hands down, the coolest experience of my life. Today we basically ripped apart a house that hasn’t been touched since the flood. I didn’t even think that we would get all the stuff off of the ground. Not only did we pick everything up, but we ripped up the carpets, AND cleaned out a couple closets. The owner was a New Orleans sheriff, and had never left during the flood or the storm. He was one of the guys that had helped rescue people from their houses on jet-ski’s. All in all, its been an awesome week. I don’t think that there is a better way I could spend my spring break, and I’m amazingly glad I came down here." ~ Jon, age 15

"I am working with an amazing group of our junior high students who never cease to amaze me at home, and have really impressed me this week. We worked at Emergency Communities today and had a wonderful time. I had the opportunity to watch our kids work harder than they have never worked in their lives. While I was taking a rest after lunch, I sat and chatted with a woman named Martha (pronounced Moth-a here in the south). She told me that she her house was just tagged to get a FEMA trailer… she applied for it in October. They can’t find her sewer line so she doesn’t know when she and her 15 year old son will be able to move home. They are staying in a studio apartment right now. She said that her insurance company has deferred her mortgage until June…after that; she doesn’t know what she’ll do." ~ Tanya, adult leader

"Today was amazing. There is no other word to describe it. Seriously. Although it seemed like the day never ended, after everything was all done it was so cool to see all that we had accomplished. Our group worked insanely hard to finish knocking down the crazy walls made of sheetrock covered in plaster. We did a really great job today at busting our butts and working together. Towards the end of it all another group arrived to help us finish Karen’s home. By the way, Karen is one of the most inspiring persons I have ever met. She is so loving and caring for each and every one of us. I’m so glad God sent us to help her so we could all meet her. For lunch a group of college kids took us to a trailer where we were fed a HOME COOKED meal! It was delicious. Also, everything hit me today. And I hope all the rest of us are hit just like I was. I think I finally saw why God sent me here, and I’m glad I did. Anyways, minus a nail going through my boot, hammering my hand 4 times, and getting shoved in Jay’s soaked and sweaty armpit twice, I can honestly say today was the most amazing day ever." ~ Ari, age 15

There's many more than I can share. It just blows my mind to hear the stories of what is still going on down there, and how much work has and has not happened since last year. They've been sending pics and stuff, it's incredible.

And I'm so proud of them! Many of the kids who went I've known since they were fresh out of grade school and snotty nosed Sevies (that's seventh-graders, for you non-American folks). I've watched them grow up, and it honestly brings tears to my eyes to see them doing this and hear about the way God is changing their lives. I'm so proud of them. And what's even cooler is that I don't even know half the kids who went, and I only moved away a year ago!

This picture really sums it up for me. That amid the ruin, the devestation, the broken world that exists down there, that there is still hope and faith. We have it pretty good where we're at; I've never experienced a disaster like this in my life. God grant that my eyes would stay focused on him whatever life brings.

The View

So I figured I better post some pics, since I keep talking about it...

I went out last evening too see what I could do. I don't think they'll let me take pics from the campus, but who needs to include the landscaping when you've got this to look at? The waters of Puget Sound, Bainbridge Island in the near background, and the Olympic Mountains behind. Remind me to take a pic of them when the morning light is shining on the hillsides, just gorgeous.


A little wider view, closer to sunset. This picture is from Alki Point, looking the same direction. This has to be one of my favorite places in Seattle. It's got beach, it's got sunset views, and it's got the best Fish 'n Chips to be found in the city. What more do you need?

Ok, so this is actually from last Fall, but it's one of my favorite pictures I've taken from Alki. Just wanted to share.

Well, that should get you started. I'll throw some other ones on here as I find them/take them/get better ones. Obviously, I'm still working on my landscape photography skills.

Thoughts on a New Job

So I joined the ranks of Corporate America this last week. I started a new job with my own cubicle, my own phone extension, and my own security card that needs swiping to open the doors. I get to go to board meetings and order things with the company credit card. Whenever I show up is when I start, and whenever I leave is when I'm done. And to top it off, I get Workspace Ergonomics Training, with a personal consultation for my very own office!

Doesn't get any better than that.

And my building is incredible, it's fairly new (3 years I think) and full of art and landscaping and research laboratories and big windows. It's right on the shores of Puget Sound, and my window looks across the lawns and waterfalls and sculptures right out on the islands and peninsulas backdropped by the entire Olympic Mountain range. On sunny days I can wander down and eat lunch on the seawall. Starbucks is right across the street. It's the sort of place where I could be happy for a very long time.

But I'm only just starting to realize the level of responsibility I've got! I got a phone call yesterday, "Your presence is requested at a meeting right now, sorry we forgot to tell you about it." Turns out it was the directors of all the departments involved in anything related to Emergency Management. The Director of Security invited me down later for a meeting, and showed me around the security hub for the whole research facility. The Director of Maintenance wants my opinion on how to set some projects up. The head of Facilities and Engineering wants me order about $100K in equipment.

And my "previous experience" for this job was sitting around the corner of a warehouse answering phone calls about whether or not the shovels had arrived. I'm in way out of my league...

Fortunately, I long ago learned the lesson about the art of BS - if you look like you know what yer doing, people will generally assume do know what yer doing. That'll get me a long ways during business meetings, and then I can run back to my office and cry and figure out exactly how the heck I'm gonna do whatever it was I just got myself into. Good times. Hopefully nobody finds out.